Maybe you feel like you are fading away. That no one will even know you have become a shell of your former self. Maybe you feel like you’re drowning in your head, unable to distinguish between what could be real and the stories you tell yourself to feed the emotions - negative and positive. Maybe you wonder what’s this all for anyway? Why am I doing what I’m doing and when will I feel like it’s/I’m enough?
A few short paragraphs won’t fix it all, but there is always hope. It’s just knowing where to start.
Try to imagine you have been intentionally placed exactly where you are because you bring light to this life - yours and others. That there’s no greater gift you can give than kindness for yourself and others. Maybe for today it’s just a smile for that person you walk by on the way to wherever you are going. And other days you do this through a comforting hug for another who simply needs to know someone cares. And some days you tell yourself ‘thank you’ and eventually ‘I forgive you’ because, after all, you are the only one who can bring wellness and joy to your heart. And then you come to forgive others without expecting anything in return because you know how much it hurts to hold onto resentment.
So to that person you feel has faded away - bring them back. It’s not too late. Never will be. You can return to the one who doesn’t need to compare themselves. That doesn’t blame themselves (or anyone else). That doesn’t ignore their needs or wants and doesn’t try to make excuses for wanting what they want and doing what they do.
You may not be where you want to be. And that is ok. You may thank God you’re not where you used to be. And that is ok too. You may find there are parts of you that need to be brought back and other parts of you that don’t. You may find you’re more brave in some areas and more fearful in others. You want more courage - but you may not know how to get it. Just start somewhere. Practice saying no and celebrate the ability to finally do so. Or ask for something you may not normally ask for - help, support, to be seen.
It is when you stop trying so hard to be the perfect person you think others need you to be that you realize how much of your light had been dimmed in the shadows of people and places that were never going to let the sunlight in. Maybe they’re no longer your people; maybe it’s no longer the place you should be. But in this moment you will find the hope, courage and pure potential to rise above the noise - thoughts inside your head...talking to you - to start saying yes to more things that bring you joy, and letting go of what does not.